Monday, November 29, 2010

Productive Momma!!

I have had a very productive day, despite the horrible, rainy weather. Today we headed to Carbondale to Party City to buy all of Parker's 1st birthday party supplies. Wow is that stuff expensive!! But it is his very FIRST birthday so it's worth it!

We then proceded to the doctor's office for Parker's check up. He had 2 ear infections right in a row so she wanted to make sure it was gone for good, all was well and although she didn't do his official one year check-up she did say he was advanced for his age so that's always nice to hear. I decided to officially switch to Dr. Bleichner. It was a hard decision because Dr. Korte was Parker's doctor from the very beginning, she even came to the hospital to check on him and do a certain procedure LOL. However, she is sooo busy that we haven't seen her since Parker was 6 months old. We've seen Dr. Bleichner at least 5 times since then, so Parker has come to know her and love her, and I do too. So the best decision was to just make the switch, and I feel good about it.

Came home, did our evening routine, put Parker to bed. THEN I stuffed the pinata and filled all of the treat bags for Parker's party. Took awhile to do, but would've been impossible if Parker were awake and I like to be ahead on things anyways. So I think I'm going to reward myself with an early bedtime tonight =) Last night Parker slept through the night AGAIN, do I dare hope for such good luck tonight?? I sure hope so because we both need our rest, Parker has his one year photo session with Jessica Hollis Photography (check her out, I follow her blog) tomorrow, cake smash and all. I can't wait! It is very bittersweet, this will be his 4th and final session for his "Baby Plan" and I can't quite believe it... While searching for the appropriate words for his scrapbook I came across this poem that brought tears to my eyes, it is put so well.

Covered in cake and icing,
your smile stretched ear to ear.
A single candle celebrates,
the joy of your first year.

We sing Happy Birthday,
you play midst wrap and bows.
We marvel at how you touched our lives,
just one year ago.

I remember the first time I held you,
kissed your head, whispered your name.
you've changed our lives forever,
Our hearts will never be the same.

As a child you'll love this day,
for all the sweets and presents too.
As a mother I’ll love your day,
for the gift I got was you.

Each year we'll add another candle,
so proud to see you grow.
But always with the memory,
of your first day long ago.

Sunday, November 28, 2010


I had the freakiest dream last night. I had to go to a wedding and I left Parker with some close friends of mine. I met them in the Wal-Mart parking lot to drop him off and then I went to the wedding. When I went to call them when I was done, they wouldn't answer the phone. I talked to my other friend, who tells me that they are not sure WHERE Parker is, that they never even left the Wal-Mart parking lot with him. They either forgot him, or someone took him, so they didn't want to answer my calls because they felt bad. I was panicking, I rush home and tell my mom and she keeps telling me to Calm down, she's sure I will find him. At this point I am hysterical, thinking my friends could have kidnapped him, or a stranger, or who knows what happened to him. And EVERYONE in the dream was trying to convince me to just calm down, even when I posted it on my Facebook, people were saying Oh I'm sure he will turn up. As if babies can just "turn up" when lost.

Obviously, this was a dream and not reality. I never leave Parker with friends, only my parents and sometimes my aunt. And surely if this would have actually happened I would have immediately called the police, and be searching everywhere for him. But does that mean I didn't wake up scared to death and run to Parker's room, just to make sure he was there? Of course not.

I was never so glad to see him laying there peacefully in his bed, and honestly it made me feel bad for complaining of his bad sleeping habits and little things that really don't matter. What matters? The fact that I have him to cuddle with at night, to give me kisses and hugs, and love me in spite of all my imperfections. It really puts things into perspective when you think what it would be like WITHOUT the one you love the most. No mother ever dares to really imagine it, because it pains you even to imagine.

So WHY did I have this dream? My theory is that it is from the blogs I follow. There are quite a few that I follow that have lost their baby(s) because they were born to early, or born with diseases that took their lives and sometimes reading them hits me pretty hard. I am so lucky that although Parker was born at 36 weeks he was so healthy and got to come home so soon. Some people are not so lucky, and it honestly breaks my heart...

I was a NICU baby, I was given a 50/50 shot at life. I was born with Hemolytic disease of the newborn. Basically, even though my mom took the Rhogham shots after she had my brother it didn't work, and when her blood crossed the placenta into my bloodstream it poisioned me. Scary. My mother only got to see my foot through the incubator before they rushed me to another hospital for a full blood transfusion. I can't imagine what she was going through, not knowing if her baby was going to make it or not. Clearly, the end to my story is a happy one. I fought hard and came out of it and grew up to be as healthy as can be.

So maybe that's why these stories hit me so hard, maybe that is why I was scared most of my pregnancy that something would go wrong? But it didn't. Everything went great, and that is why I am so thankful to be this little boy's mommy!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Completely Random...

What do I have to blog about today? Not much really. I'm at work, I've been busy all day and it finally slowed down! I am feeling MUCH better than I did last time I blogged, turns out I just needed some SLEEP, and it sure felt great to get it too!

Me and Parker put up our little tree last night. We have a big one but I decided against it for this year because I'm afraid he would hurt himself in so many ways, so I got a little one and put it where he can't get it! Next year we will put up the big one and the little one can go in his room. I did let him help me "put it up" and he thought he was big stuff! Pics to come on that one! =) It was pretty sweet watching his eyes light up when I plugged the tree in, the absolute and pure innocence and wonder of a child. Beautiful.

I've been contemplating getting a Nook. I LOVE to read, and I do so frequently, but I think it would be easier if I had a Nook on hand. I am going to wait until after Christmas of course because I am spending way too much money as it is. I just LOVE giving, I know a lot of people say that but I seriously look forward to Christmas every year because I can buy my family the things they WANT. My parent's never buy things they want, so it is especially exciting getting them presents- I already got my mom and sister their gifts but I won't say what they are just in case they see this. And Christmas is especially exciting now that I have Parker. I just know he is going to be so excited on Christmas morning. I am so blessed with a wonderful family and a wonderful baby.

Parker has always had sleep issues... I don't know where he gets it from because I can sleep anytime, anywhere! He never slept through the night until he was 7 months old and even then he would only do it every few nights. He's had issues with ear infections the past month or so, so he hasn't been sleeping through the night now either. He will wake up around 2 and stand up in his crib crying, I go pick him up and he instantly lies his head down on me and closes his eyes.. if I try to lay him back in his bed, he screams; if I take him to bed with me, he never makes a sound. (I usually take him back to his bed an hour or so later and he sleeps the rest of the night) His Dr. said this is because he has learned cause and effect... he knows if he screams in the middle of the night I will come and pick him up and let him lie with me, but I CAN'T just let him stand there and scream... I don't know what to do, but it has gotten to the point of exhaustion, especially when I have to work the next day. Any advice would be appreciated!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Shoot Me Now...

Okay, maybe the title of this post is a little extreme, but seriously I am MISERABLE! I agreed to work the 12 hour midnight shift for Thanksgiving, which is 7pm to 7am. I've never worked even the 8 hour midnight shift, but time and a half for 12 hours sounded too good to pass up.. it would have been fine except for the fact that abotu 3 hours after I got here I threw up... and have twice since then. WHAT is wrong with me?? I caught something from somebody and now I am sick as a dog and I have 7 hours until I get to go home... =(

Maybe recapping my wonderful day will help? I'll try. Today we went to eat with my dad's side of the family, after that we went to my mom's side which is always fun. We ate food, played apples to apples and looked at the black friday ads! My homemade cheesecake was a hit, everyone thought it was delicious, so did I! After that Parker and I went to his grandparent's house so he could see them for a little bit then I had to head to work after I dropped Parker off with my parents. Great day, until now.

So Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Black Friday to you all!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

FINALLY Time to Blog!

It is so hard to find time to Blog, but it's like I need it, I crave it. Getting it all out, I feel so much better when I'm done! I'm at work right now, it's a little slow today, I guess nobody wants to come to the Hospital on the day before Thanksgiving, too much cooking to do. When I get off I am going to pick up Parker's John Deere Pedal Tractor! I am so excited, it is his 1st birthday present and I think he is going to love it!

At this time of year I am thankful for so many things. Friends, family, my job, my freedom... I am mostly thankful for Parker. We have so much fun together, he is like my best friend (may sound sad, but I love it) We went to the lake yesterday, it was a little chilly but not too bad, and it was one of the best days, nothing special, just playing outside and laughing together.

I am also so thankful for my mom. I have ALWAYS been close with my mom, in fact I never went through the rebellious stage where I thought my mother was the most horrible person ever and couldn't possibly understand what I was going through. My mom has always been there for me, and I realize it more and more the older I get, how lucky I am. I can count on one hand the number of "arguements" we've had and they are nothing compared to what I've heard other mothers & daughters fighting over. I have never said a bad word about my mother, and I never will. She is my hero and if I can be even half as good of a mother to Parker as she was to me, he will be one lucky little boy.

When I think of all the opportunites life presents me, all the possibilities, it is exhausting. How do you make the right decisions? Especially when you're not making decisions for just yourself, but for an innocent little boy as well. Of course I pray to help make decisions, but sometimes people make stupid choices and I don't want to be one of those people. I want to make the best decisions for Parker and myself, and so far I think I am doing that... However, most people probably think they are making the right decisions when they are not, so how do you know? Faith. That's all it comes down to. You have to have faith in God, faith in your supporters, and most importantly, faith in yourself. I try to have all three.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Crazy. Fun. Happy.

Yesterday was Crazy. Fun. Happy.

I came in early to work yesterday so that I could leave early for a wedding. I ALMOST didn't leave work in time because we were so backed up in the ER, but I managed to sneak out, fully dressed for the wedding, at 2:05. That was crazy. I went by the apartment to pick up Parker, who looked absolutely adorable...

and we made it to the wedding at 2:35. Only about 5 minutes late (I HATE being late.) Afterwards, we stopped by the reception which was beautiful. Congrats Mr. & Mrs. Brett Crocker!

We left the reception and headed to Arturos for dinner. Joy, Richie, & Kinley are here from Chicago and it happens to be Joy's Birthday weekend! So we got to celebrate with them and spend good quality time chasing around the little ones! We had soo much fun. It felt just like old times...I wish we could hang out every week! The kids were all playing and having a ball and I just kept thinking about how a few short months ago we could lay our babies down on a blanket in the park...

We would just sit there and talk while they layed there and played, not trying to get away or into anything.

And now...

They are sooo big! Getting into everything, crawling, some walking, it is insane! We knew this day would come, but you never think it will happen in the blink of an eye...

But it does. Next thing I know we will be discussing how unbelievable it is that our children are starting kindergarten... that seems so far away, but I know the years will fly. It seems like yesterday that I still had Parker safe in my belly feeling him kicking around, and now he is out in the world WALKING around. Yes, time does go fast, but I don't take one moment for granted. I love everyday of life and I accept the changes as they come, because where would we be without the wonderful changes in life?

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

Saturday, November 20, 2010

So I've Decided To Blog..

I can't believe I have actually decided to blog. It's something I've always wanted to do, but was never sure if I wanted all of my personal thoughts out there for the world to see. But it seems to help everyone else so I'm going to go for it. Will I share this with people I know? Probably, we will see how it goes.

For those of you who don't know me, my name is Heather. I am 22 years old, and I am a single mother to a beautiful baby boy Parker who will be 1 year old on December 3rd. Where does time go? I have no clue. I am a Radiologic Technologist, I work at a hospital part-time. Put more simply, I take Xrays and CTs of people a few days a week. Hence, I can see right through you... literally. In my free time I do Photography. It is more of a passion than anything, I honestly LOVE to do it.

I have a wonderful family. I am very close to my parents, my brothers, my sister, not to mention my extended family. I have had a great life, I have nothing to complain about. Hah. Wouldn't it be great if having all those things meant that you had nothing complain about?

So Friends... I have friends of course. I still keep in touch with my friends from high school, but they are in very different places in their lives than I am (mainly, no children.) I am part of a "mommmy group," I have made some great friends there. A couple of them moved up north to Chicago land... that was difficult. I guess I've never really had a good friend move away, especially not one that had a child the same age as mine and a friend that we could just go over and hang out all day and talk. My other great friend from the group just started nursing school. I KNOW how hard it is to be in college for anything in the medical field. Not only do you have classes full time, you have clinicals on top of that. AND of course she also has a child the same age as mine. It's not easy at all, it takes up so much of your time. So my "friend time" has decreased significantly, from at least one day a week of hanging with our kiddos to once every few months... that's not easy at all.

Now for the happy things in life. My wonderful, loving baby boy!

Pretty cute, right? I know it sounds cliche' but he is the light of my life. As soon as I walk in the door he laughs and scrambles to get to me as fast as he can. I pick him up and he gives me hugs and kisses and the best smile you could ever imagine. He has been a good baby from Day 1. He has always been a little bit of a Momma's Boy but that's okay because I know one day I will be sooo "uncool" in his eyes. We are always on the go, and he loves it that way. If we do not go "bye-bye" at some point during the day he is at the door trying to open it and waving to me. He is a lot like me in that way, I have never been one to sit at home I love to go, go, go.

The hardest part of being a "Single Mom" (I hate that term by the way, but there is really no other way to say it) is not having someone there all the time to share in the joys. His first steps, I was so excited to see, I was standing there cheering and laughing with him... but it was just me and him. How many other moments will there be like that? Will he notice as he gets older that he only has one "cheerleader" while everyone else has two? Of COURSE he has his grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. but it's obviously not the same. Parker's dad has relocated to North Dakota. I would never say anything negative about him, that would be childish and only hurt my son. But I can't help but wonder what he will feel about that as he gets old enough to realize...