Sunday, November 28, 2010


I had the freakiest dream last night. I had to go to a wedding and I left Parker with some close friends of mine. I met them in the Wal-Mart parking lot to drop him off and then I went to the wedding. When I went to call them when I was done, they wouldn't answer the phone. I talked to my other friend, who tells me that they are not sure WHERE Parker is, that they never even left the Wal-Mart parking lot with him. They either forgot him, or someone took him, so they didn't want to answer my calls because they felt bad. I was panicking, I rush home and tell my mom and she keeps telling me to Calm down, she's sure I will find him. At this point I am hysterical, thinking my friends could have kidnapped him, or a stranger, or who knows what happened to him. And EVERYONE in the dream was trying to convince me to just calm down, even when I posted it on my Facebook, people were saying Oh I'm sure he will turn up. As if babies can just "turn up" when lost.

Obviously, this was a dream and not reality. I never leave Parker with friends, only my parents and sometimes my aunt. And surely if this would have actually happened I would have immediately called the police, and be searching everywhere for him. But does that mean I didn't wake up scared to death and run to Parker's room, just to make sure he was there? Of course not.

I was never so glad to see him laying there peacefully in his bed, and honestly it made me feel bad for complaining of his bad sleeping habits and little things that really don't matter. What matters? The fact that I have him to cuddle with at night, to give me kisses and hugs, and love me in spite of all my imperfections. It really puts things into perspective when you think what it would be like WITHOUT the one you love the most. No mother ever dares to really imagine it, because it pains you even to imagine.

So WHY did I have this dream? My theory is that it is from the blogs I follow. There are quite a few that I follow that have lost their baby(s) because they were born to early, or born with diseases that took their lives and sometimes reading them hits me pretty hard. I am so lucky that although Parker was born at 36 weeks he was so healthy and got to come home so soon. Some people are not so lucky, and it honestly breaks my heart...

I was a NICU baby, I was given a 50/50 shot at life. I was born with Hemolytic disease of the newborn. Basically, even though my mom took the Rhogham shots after she had my brother it didn't work, and when her blood crossed the placenta into my bloodstream it poisioned me. Scary. My mother only got to see my foot through the incubator before they rushed me to another hospital for a full blood transfusion. I can't imagine what she was going through, not knowing if her baby was going to make it or not. Clearly, the end to my story is a happy one. I fought hard and came out of it and grew up to be as healthy as can be.

So maybe that's why these stories hit me so hard, maybe that is why I was scared most of my pregnancy that something would go wrong? But it didn't. Everything went great, and that is why I am so thankful to be this little boy's mommy!

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