Who reads...

Do you ever wonder who reads your blog? I almost regret sharing it with people I know, because then after it's all said and done I wonder if I should publish it. I usually do, but it's still in the back of my mind. I don't think I've ever said anything bad about anyone imparticular, have I? These are my thoughts, and I share them. I obviously want my close friends to read, because I read their blogs and accept them. Acceptance. I don't care what they say, I absolutely love them anyways. Not one thought of judgement comes over me. But what about those people that aren't close friends of mine, but know me? What do they think? Sometimes I wish there was a way to block certain people from reading you blog, but then I wouldn't be able to meet all the wonderful people that happen upon it randomly. People that accept me, even though they have never even met me. Blogging is such a wonderful world, and it's hard not to wish the rest of the world was like that...

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. -Luke 6:37

In the middle of my little mess...

Do you ever forget what's really important in life? I think we all do. We get so caught up in everything else, that it's hard to see how blessed we are. I'm making it my goal to not see things that way. I've never been a negative person, in fact I'm usually the one who sees the bright side of a situation. I do, however, struggle with impatience and a long list of other things. I am going to improve upon them, I know I can and I will. Just to let you know.

Jared and I broke up. I don't really have much to say about it... The thing I will say, is when you have a child involved, if things are not working out you have to end it much sooner. I do not think for just myself, I think for Parker. Always for Parker. I might have tried longer, but in the long run it would've ended up hurting everyone involved, including Parker. I can not intentionally hurt my son in any way, so the decision was easy. People become attatched to people, it's a fact of life. I did not want him to become attatched and have to rip him away. Then everything would have spiraled out of control because I would be staying in a relationship just to avoid hurting my baby. Things will be different, but I will figure everything out. The most important thing is my son, and he is by far the happiest part of my life. That's all I'm going to say about that...

The twins are TWO weeks old today! We took them for their first session with Jessica Hollis Photography, who is a great friend that has taken all of Parker's pictures. (Actually, she took my Senior pictures, too!) She posted the "Sneak Peak" today and as you can see they did great. I can't wait to see the rest!

Best Friend

As I begin to write this post, I'm not even sure if I will publish it. I've never really wrote anything on this subject, but I started thinking about it yesterday and I had a need to blog it. Isn't that what blogging is for? For me it is, anyways...

Have you ever lost a best friend? Not being to specific with the word "lost" here. Maybe you lost your best friend in a fight, or because they moved and you drifted apart, or they lost their life. However you lost them, I'm sure it didn't doesn't feel good.

My best friend was Parker's dad. (gasp) I know, I don't really talk about him. And I'm beginning to think that is not healthy. When we split up (I hate that wording, but don't know how else to say it) I was fine. It was my decision, and I still feel like it was the right one. I won't go into details but I will say he never intentionally hurt me... he didn't cheat or anything like that, it just didn't work. It would never work. The only reason it took me so long to leave was because of Parker. I wanted him to have a mommy and daddy that were together. Afterall, that's what I had and I thought he deserved that. The difference is, my mommy and daddy were happy. I began to think... if I was in the situation, would I rather my parents be happy apart or miserable together? That was an easy question to answer.

The hardest part about all of this was that Parker's dad was my best friend. The real kind of best friend that you can tell anything to. We were together for about 3 years total and lived together for a year of that. We brought a beautiful baby into this world together, watched him grow together, and when it was time for me to go we cried together.

I have friends of course, even very close ones... but I find myself without a best friend. Who do I call when Parker has a big accomplishment? Or when I've had a bad day? Or when I leave work and just wanna say "Hey, I'll be home in 5 minutes." No one. I don't want anyone to think I regret my decision, I do not. But having my best friend back would be great, even though I know that's not possible. When he calls to check on Parker, I find myself talking about everything because that is what I automatically feel like doing. Then I remember, this is not your best friend. This is your son's father. The man who gave you the most amazing gift anyone could ever give. But not your best friend, no, not even close.

Lately, Matt has been wanting to see Parker more. As many of you know, he moved to North Dakota in October and didn't see Parker until a few weeks ago when he came back. I wasn't sure what to do in the situation. I didn't want Parker to know what losing his daddy felt like and I'm afraid if I let him get close to him that is what will happen. Right now he is too young to know the difference, he didn't miss his daddy when he moved but what if that happens again in a year from now? He will be old enough to understand and how will I be able to explain? I try not to think about it, yet I find myself worrying about it frequently. I do feel better now that I have blogged about this. I may find it hard to push that little Pulish button, but I am going to be brave and go with it.

I have fallen so far, flat on my face
I’m in need of Your grace today
I stumble and fall, but in spite of it all
Your love always stays the same
Hallelujah
-Heather Williams

New Carseat

Parker's Britax Boulevard 70 came in the mail today! I was so excited. It installed beautifully, the thing is not moving an inch! He seems to really like it, although he couldn't really care less what he is sitting in as long as he is getting to watch Beauty & The Beast haha. He really loves that movie, I am trying to find him Lion King somewhere because I know he would love it but it's in the vault right now.

New Blankey!




So sweet!

 I talked to his daycare today about switching him to the bigger class room and they left me less than hopeful. They said that the class he is supposed to be in is full, which is why he is in the baby room. So, until the class has an opening he has to stay in the baby room and continue to be unstimulated... I am considering calling the other daycare in town "Learn & Play" because they don't even have babies there so he would definitely be in a big kid class if they have openings. I don't know what to do, all I know is that he is not happy being surround by little crying babies with no one to play with. =(

I get to babysit Kollins tomorrow while Jami & Johnny take Kadence to the Doctor, I can't wait. Then I have to go to work at 3. The only day I get off this week is Friday, which is somewhat of a bummer but gotta love that money! I really need to stop buying though. I have saved up quite a bit for Florida already, and all my bills are paid, but still I have been spending a lot. I bought the Ergo Baby Options carrier the other day, I think it will be handy this summer and you can use on kids up to 40 lbs so it should last awhile. I also bought Parker a 4wheeler... I know, it's not his birthday or Christmas, but it's not fair because his birthday is in December so he doesn't get fun outside stuff to play with! Here's the pic of it...

I mean, doesn't that look like the most fun ever? I'm done though, no more buying stuff for awhile! I'm gonna save the rest of my money for... gas! Can you believe how much gas is now? $3.29 a gallon here, that is way too much. However, we keep on paying it so they might as well hike it up to $5.00 (I really hope that doesn't happen...)



Productive Day

Today was Presidents Productive Day. I am always so proud when my day is productive! Some most days I want to just cuddle on the couch with Parker, or go outside and play... today was a very rainy day, which usually leaves me less than motivated but somehow I was. I cleaned every room top to bottom; mopped, vacuumed, dusted, did all the laundry. Even picked up all of Parker's toys! I know, impressive. We also went to Wal-mart to get our grocery shopping done. That wasn't too fun to do in the rain, but it had to be done! I had everything done by 2, and had to be at work at 3 so I did get some cuddle time on the couch in. Parker was quite stumped by his toys being all arranged neatly...

Last night I got to babysit Kollins. Her mommy went to see Kadence, who got to come home today! Great news, I know! I also get to watch her on Wednesday when they take Kadence to her doctor appointment. I of course had to have a mini photo shoot with Kollins, although I can't wait to do one with Kadence included.

She also found her thumb! She was very very excited (her mommy was a thumb sucker, too)

Tomorrow I am going to reward myself for getting all my chores done (hehe) by doing absolutely nothing. Well, that's not really true, when you're a mommy you never get to do absolutely nothing... plus, I have to work at 3... but I will let myself watch The Bachelor, and that is definitely a reward.



Parker at 11 months old

I love this picture of Parker, I took it with the Retro Camera Connector app on my phone and he was so happy that day just to be playing in the leaves! I'm entering it in the I Heart Photos challenge this week, never entered before but I think it will be fun!

My son's big enough to ride a Fourwheeler?

I enjoyed my two days off. I am not used to working 40 hours a week, and while the money is great I sure do miss my angel! It just makes my days off with him that much sweeter =). Thursday we played outside and went to Walmart, two of Parker's favorite things! Then Parker got to spend some time with his Pawpaw while I went to see Baby Kollins! I even got to feed her, she is so tiny. She had her Dr. appointment yesterday and she weighs 4 lbs 3 oz. We all love her so much, and can't wait until Kadence comes home. Here are a couple of pictures of Kollins from Thursday.

Thursday evening we went to meet Bethany and Carder at Garfields and then we walked around the mall. While I didn't really have any intentions of "shopping" I couldn't help but buy Parker some spring clothes (and the twins, too.) We got Carder & Parker matching outfits from Old Navy, complete with hat and all! They are adorable, will probably work for an Easter outfit, too. It was good catching up with Bethany, it's hard to see friends in the winter time because there isn't much to do around here.

Friday started out good... really didn't get bad until last night. We met some of our friends from our mommy group at the park. I am so nervous at the park this year because Parker can actually move! It has almost been a year since our first mommy group meeting, when our babies just laid there on the floor unable to do anything but look at each other. This year Parker wants to climb and run, and fall, and I'm worried the whole time. I guess that is what being a mom is all about. As you'll notice in the pictures, Parker isn't really his smiley self but he wasn't crying or anything like that so I figured he was just overwhelmed.

A child reminds us that playtime is an essential part of our daily routine.

-- Anonymous

After the park, Parker got to have his first Fourwheeler ride. I was a little more than nervous, but he really liked it and didn't want to get off. He is all boy!

Hi mommy!

When we got home my dad came over and I went for a quick trip to see Kollins. After being there for a little bit, I get a call from my dad and he says that Parker just puked for 5 minutes. I rushed home, and there was puke like everywhere! Parker was in the bath so I ran everything down to the washer and cleaned the puke up. He got out of the bath, my dad walked into the kitchen and he started puking all over again. So I took him so I could at least hold him over the sink, it was so sad he was actually dry heaving and I felt horrible. After all that I cleaned him up and got him in his jammies and he didn't puke anymore. We watched Beauty & The Beast and I put him to bed around 10 and he even slept through the night. I feel bad because I'm working a 12 hour shift today (7-7) and he still doesn't feel great and always wants me when he's sick. He was even giving me kisses last night, and that is so very rare haha.

Please pray that Parker gets better, and even more importantly that we get to bring baby Kadence home soon. She is still in the incubator and they have started putting her under the bili light for her jaundice, I am really hoping she will get to come home next week. Thank you!

Daycare

Do your kids go to daycare? Until this week, Parker hadn't been since he was a baby. I have been working Mon-Wed 2nd shift, so I have him go to daycare from 2 to whenever my dad or mom pick him up, usually 5 or 530. I think it is good for him, but I'm not so sure. For one thing, he just plain doesn't like it. For anyone that doesn't know Parker, he is the happiest kid around. That's all I hear anywhere we go, and it's true. The problem with his daycare is that he is in a room with BABIES! I mean, little babies. The oldest kid is probably 6 months old. Parker is 14 months old. How I understand it, is that he will be switched to another room at 15 months, but wouldn't you think they could make an exception since he will be 15 months in a couple of weeks? When I dropped him off today he literally chased me to the door =( He didn't cry, because that's not Parker. He trys to be so good, and he is, but that little look in his eyes was so sad!

I took some pics of him on his first day there, he did look pretty cute.

I'm going to ask Monday if he can go ahead and move to the big kid class, I mean he's the size of a 2 year old! haha.

The weather has been gorgeous here this week, we went to this museum/park the other day to play and had a blast just running around! He looks way to big in this first picture.

We also got a new Stroller that I am in love with! The Baby Jogger City Mini, I can't believe how easy it is to use. I can hold him in one hand and fold it with the other. It's great. Same thing with unfolding it, one snap of the wrist and it's together. We tried it out a little today, he seemed to like it, it's really comfy and the umbrella on it is great too.



Busy Days!

The past few days have been SO unbelievably busy! That's what happens when twins come into the family =)
I didn't even really talk about our Valentine's Day yet. Sunday Jared took Parker and I to O'Charley's for supper. Yummy!

And then we went to Target, and back home. Jared got me a Wii (and roses!) for Valentine's Day, I love it!



Monday I was at work. My mom called and said "You need to get someone to come in for you because they are taking the babies at 6:30 tonight!" Talk about freak out! Luckily my coworker, Brittany, stayed and worked so I could leave... she is amazing. I loved getting to see the babies but I was obviously worried that they were born early. Kollins (baby B) seemed to be fine, but Kadence (baby A) was having problems with fluid in her lungs. The next morning (yesterday) they decided they needed to get Kadence to a bigger hospital. While Jami (their mom) was getting to hold Kollins for the first time, Kadence was arriving in a hospital 2 hours away! We were able to go see both girls yesterday, and brought back pictures of Kadence for Jami and Kollins to have.

Here are some pics of Kollins.. 4 lbs 6 oz!

And here is Kadence, 6 lbs!

Today Kollins and Jami got to come home! Kadence and her daddy are still up at the big hospital, but hopefully they will be home soon! She is completely off of the oxygen now and is starting to eat really well! Thank you so much for all of your prayers!

Children are a gift from the Lord.
PSALM 127:3

Baby Kadence & Kollins!

My twin baby cousins were born last night! Yes, on Valentine's Day! They are absolutely adorable. Their names are Kadence Aubrey and Kollins Ava, of course I still refer to them as Baby A and Baby B because they haven't picked which twin is to have what name since my aunt hasn't gotten to see them yet. They had to take them early because she was showing signs of preeclampsia. Baby A is 6 lbs and Baby B is 4 lbs 6 oz! Baby B seems to be fine, but this morning they are flying Baby A to a bigger hospital. She was born with fluid on her lungs, and after close monitoring they decided she needed to be on Oxygen. Sometime this morning they decided she needed to be intubated and the hospital does not have the right kind of equipment and staff for that, so she is going to be 2 hours away. Her daddy and grandma are going with her, so my poor Aunt Jami will be left behind, doing the very important job of caring for one baby while having her husband and other baby taken hours away. Please pray for them all.

Baby A

Baby B



Happy Valentines Day!

Sunday Snapshot

 

Pretty cute pictures for a 2 minute photo shoot on our way out the door! Courtesy of my mom! =)

Last night we went to Shana & Rick's house so Jared could meet everyone. He definitely passed, according to them. Not that I had any doubt. lol. Addyson and Wilson both loved him, even though Addy was really confused because my brother's name is also Jared. She first asked if he was my dad, then asked if he was my cousin, and just couldn't grasp the whole "boyfriend" thing! haha I guess it's a lot for a 3 year old to understand.

We played Singstar, which I haven't done since... I'm not sure, but it was well before Parker was born. We used to play ALL the time, it's so much fun, but our scores are not nearly as good as they used to be so we better get back into it.

The twins will be here in eleven days. I hate calling them that, and believe me I would call them by their names, but they don't have any yet! That's okay, I will know what their names are in just eleven days! I can't harly believe it.  

Tonight we are going out for Valentine's Day, since Jared will be back home by Monday and I have to work anyways. I don't know what we are going to do, but it doesn't really matter to me, we have fun just sitting in the living room floor.

A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.

-John Lennon

Weekend Warrior

I'm a Weekend Warrior:



1. Today I am working until 3:30, as I do every Saturday. It is so beautiful outside and I just want to go play at the park with Parker!

2. After work, we are going to my friend's house so Jared can finally meet my beautiful goddaughter, Addyson...

3. Sunday I have to work until 3:30... like I do every Sunday. Then will probably hang out with Parker and Jared before he has to head home.

4. I plan on driving a lot in my new car this weekend as well, letting Parker watch Beauty & The Beast to his little hearts desire.

Finally, my car!!



Do you love it? I do! I am so excited that I decided to go with the pacifica, it is wonderful! I am pretty sure Parker is in love, I finally let him turn his carseat around because it has a built in DVD player and he is in awe. I bought him his favorite movie (we only had it DVR'd) Beauty & The Beast for Valentines Day so we popped it in and he never took his eyes off of it. I think this is definitely a blessing, because lately he has been so miserable in the car for some reason! Not anymore, that's for sure. And I love the latch system with the bucket seat, his carseat doesn't budge an inch!

This is such a big step in my life! Finally all of my hard work has paid off, and I feel like my life is exactly where I had hoped it would be at this point and that's a really good feeling. We are so blessed!

 

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

-Lamentations 3:22-24